SATIRE BY CIRCUS BAZAAR SIDE SHOW

United States: As millions of American women marched the day after Trump’s inauguration to the US office, the now incumbant President turned out to be more than pleased with the record number of women who (in his very own words) “showed him affection”. “Everybody knows I love women,” he says. “I am grateful to have that love thrown back at me in such a powerful and united way, very important!”

The millions of women marching across the country claim President Trump’s treatment and view of women has motivated them to take a stand against the newly elected President. Yet, President Trump himself sees it in a very different light, and claims that the millions of women marching were clearly showing him their affection and gratitude for a lifetime of female mocking. Furthermore he expressed his amusement for the women’s somewhat aggressive approach, as evidence of the American woman’s spirit and claiming it was a result of the American woman’s “complete and spontanious understanding” of what he, the “newly elected leader of a great movement appreciates.”

Although criticised for his attitude towards women, both before and during his presidential campaign, President Trump denies ever meaning any harm with his behaviour. “Everybody knows that when a man mocks a woman, it’s because he likes her. How else would they know I liked them?” He claims that is how he got the girls to kiss him. “They all knew I pinched, pushed and threw things at them because I liked them. They would cry at first, but then their mothers would explain why boys do such things.” Further, he explains that the marches were exactly this, “nobody respects women more than I do, and these women have spoken to their mothers.”

However, the newly elected president is unsure of how he’s going to be able to return the kiss to all of the women due to their high number, but promises a resolution within the next few days. “I will be working closely with my team to come up with a solution.” He mentions competitions or a simple beauty pageant as possibilities, but emphasizes the importance of giving everyone a fair chance. When asked about how important this concern will be in the coming days. “It’s definitely on our list of highest priorities.” Earlier in the day President Trumps Chief of staff Reince Priebus had been seen meeting with the Chairman and CEO of Ferrero, the confectionary company that manufacturers Tic Tac’s, sparking speculation that the newly elected president was taking his rhetoric seriously. President Trump has said before that he has used Tic Tac’s in similar circumstances.